UNBREAK THAT HEART

AND THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS ... 

For better or worse, I've had my fair share of heartbreak. Whether it's a relationship that seemed to have great potential or a supposedly "casual" affair where feelings weren't meant to grow and get hurt, it's nearly impossible not to feel a sense of loss and a need to rebuild a life that doesn't include the last object of affection after something comes to an end.

For better or worse, I've also gotten really good at bouncing back. I don't know if it's because I've had a lot of practice or it's because I just hate conceding to defeat. It could very well be that I've been through some terrible things so everything else pales in comparison. For whatever reason, I tend to bounce back rather than break. And because of this, I get a lot of people asking me how I do it. It's not that I have a heart of stone; what I do have is the ability to laugh in the face of ... well, pretty much everything. While my checklist probably won't single-handedly patch you up, it will hopefully at least get you to crack a smile through the pain.

Without further ado, here are my top tips for beginning to unbreak that heart.

1. DON'T listen to Unbreak my Heart. For the love of god, please keep this and other wrist-slitting music off your iPod. Same goes for Against All Odds, Total Eclipse of the Heart and anything by Céline Dion. Music that lets you wallow in misery and desperation are only allowed in your life when singing karaoke. And if you start crying while singing karaoke, I beg you to PUT. THE. MICROPHONE. DOWN.

2. DO flood your ears with fighting words. Lines like "Don't wanna be aaaaall byyyyy myyyyyseeeeeelf ... " should be nowhere near your eardrums. What you want to be listening to are songs that are more along the lines of:

"Been there, done that, messed around, 

I'm having fun, don't put me down,

I'll never let you sweep me off my feet."

- La Roux, Bulletproof

"It's hard to dance with the devil on your back

So shake it out."

- Florence + the Machine, Shake It Out

"I guess I got my swagger back"

- Jay-Z, Otis

Here's my playlist of music that's always put the fight back in me. If that doesn't make you feel more empowered ... well you'll have some new music, at least.

3. DO watch He's Just Not That Into You. This will save you several hours of mulling over what you could have done differently and what he really meant when he said such and such. This movie tells it like it is: If a guy is treating you like he doesn't give a shit, he genuinely doesn't give a shit. Words to live by right there. Also, it's just really funny. Watch this clip. I dare you not to laugh. 

4. But DON'T watch the movie until the very end. For the purposes of this exercise, we would like to keep you from falling into the trap of thinking that you're the exception and not the rule.

5. DO bring sexy back. Spend all this marvelous new free time doing something that makes you feel like the sexiest woman alive, whether it's poledancing, buying atrociously provocative lingerie or baking a molten chocolate cake in aforementioned provocative lingerie. Feel free to feel smug about all this sexiness that damn fool is missing.

6. DON'T replace one failed relationship with another. It's tempting and it seems to make moving on easier but seriously, DON'T DO IT. First, it's terribly unfair to the other person. Second, nobody needs to watch He's Just Not That Into You six times in one year #truestory

7. DO get an endorphin rush. Are you losing sleep because your mind won't shut up about the would've could've should'ves? Do you feel bogged down with seemingly unshakeable sadness? Put on your workout clothes and go for a run. Take a yoga class. Get your ass kicked at krav maga. Just get yourself all sweaty and exhausted to the bone. The endorphin rush you'll get afterwards will act as an antidepressant and the exhaustion, an all-natural sleeping pill. Plus, you'll be one step closer to getting that much hotter. Revenge is a dish best served looking smoking hot, as far as I'm concerned.

8. DON'T give up. It may not have worked out this time but at least you've sifted out one more guy from that sea of men obscuring the guy who will love you for both your lovely bits and your creepy quirks. One of these days you'll find each other. In the meantime, get happy and get hot so you won't scare him off when he finally does show up!